Everyday Life shower thoughts 🚿
Doors, socks, traffic, and the general weirdness of daily existence.
The first dent, scratch, or crack to an item is always devastating, but after that, the heavy burden of keeping that device in pristine condition is lifted and feels so much better.
Monarchs with a Roman numeral basically had to add a number to their username because the one they wanted was already taken
Taking a dump right after showering always feels extra dirty
It takes two wipes to realise it only took one wipe
Everyone's personality is a sum of defense mechanisms they have adopted to survive any situation.
It takes getting fat to realise you weren’t fat
We talk about half and quarter hours but never third hours, even though it's a nice, even 20 minutes.
Scooby doo is a great Dane. In the shows, we see shaggy, velma, daphne, and fred all run at the same pace as scooby. Great Danes run at a speed of 30 mph. The mystery gang have thighs of steel.
It wasn't being in the fridge that saved Indiana Jones in Crystal Skull, it was because he drank from the Holy Grail in The Last Crusade
"I hope your day is as pleasant as you are" can both be an insult or a compliment depending on the person.
If a person attempts a really dangerous stunt and succeeds, everyone thinks they're brave/courageous. But if they fail, everyone thinks they're stupid and deserved to fail.
We typically want our fiction to be believable and our nonfiction to be unbelievable.
To cannibals, vegans are their version of grass-fed meat.
The history books that record the events of World War 3 will be much more detailed and vivid, complete with actual tweets and colored photographs.
3:00am feels a lot more like the middle of the night than 12:00am
If someone apologizes for something that doesn't bother you, chances are it's because it would bother them
It’s to weird to think that Pigeons existed before big cities. They just lived in the forest and ate bugs instead of garbage
Before we had cordless tools, we had corded tools. And before that, we had cordless tools.
Deaf people can communicate underwater but not in heavy smoke
“Scrubbing” is a combination of scratching and rubbing
If an invisible person jumped into a pool there would probably a strange empty spot in the water
Hot headed is bad, but warm hearted is good. Cool headed is good, but cold hearted is bad.
The wheel is great and everything but the guy who invented the axle doesn't get enough credit.
The closer you are with someone the more serious the question "How are you?" is
You're either uglier or more attractive than you think, you can never be sure.
There are roughly as many people as testicles.
Wirеd chаrging аctuаlly gives you mоre frееdоm than wireless chаrging
You are older than your reflection.
Horoscopes are excuses for shitty people to rationalize their behavior
Easter makes more sense to dress up as zombies than Halloween
You are probably the most disgusting thing your clothes will touch all day.
People saying, “WASSUUUP” was once an acceptable form of communication.
Most people would make terrible spies because their joints pop so much.
Walter White from the show "Breaking Bad" never tried meth yet he was the one most addicted to it
The need for protest signs and the amount of cardboard delivery boxes synced up nicely.
Candles are now known more for their scents than their lighting capabilities.
Waldo could be in every book, just no one’s found him yet.
If you think “being in a room with everyone you ever had sex with” is awkward, imagine that with everyone you IMAGINED having sex with
We are all starting to understand Ice Cube’s idea of what constitutes a good day... when nothing happens.
Someone out there is pissed at you for taking their username.
If enough people move to the middle of nowhere, it turns into somewhere.
If the you find diamonds or oil in your backyard it’s the governments, but if you find drugs then it’s yours.
The sound of your back cracking can be one of the most relieving sounds or one of the most concerning, it all depends on the intent.
Most numbers have never been said, thought of, or written.
The reason it seems like everyone in public restrooms always has crazy diarrhea is probably because no one really wants to sh*t in a public restroom unless it’s an emergency.
When you think about a neuron, a neuron somewhere in your head is thinking about itself.
Major part of parenting is pretending to be excited by very boring things.
People dread it, but boredom is actually the ultimate luxury.
The first step of being smart is realizing that you aren't.
ICarly predicted teen youtubers, their type of content and streamers.
If we listened to unsuccessful people’s stories instead of successful people’s stories, we’d have a better idea on how to succeed
Behind every bad product was a room full of people who thought it was a good idea.
Feeling mentally-exhausted feels more exhausting than feeling physically-exhausted
Everybody has an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, but Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't have an anybody else impersonation.
If a mirror dimension did exist, we could never enter it because our alternate self would keep bumping into us at the entrance.
Some idiot thought it was α good idea to make the lowercase L look like the capital i.
Tiramisu sounds more Japanese than Italian
Putting zombies on treadmills would provide a wonderful source of green, sustainable energy.
It’s weird how we can shorten “do not” into “don’t”, but can’t shorten “am not” to “amn’t”
Before we make a confession we usually start it with "honestly" because we are so used to hiding our feelings.