Every thought in the directory, ranked from certified brain-tingling down to the deep pages where the weird stuff lives.
People who sneeze and try to cover their sneezes even while wearing a mask are people you can trust.
You are the only person who has seen most of your shit, literally and figuratively.
Nowadays, it’s the Outlaws who are not wearing masks
It's highly probable that there is someone who is perfect for you but it's highly improbable that you will meet them.
Wanting to listen to earrape makes it earsex...
An emergency is when urgency emerges
It’s amazing how much money you can save on deodorant when you don’t leave the house.
Arranging the numbers alphabetically, Zero comes at infinity.
When we go to sleep, we are in an alternate world where none of your choices matter, and then once you wake up that alternate world is simply destroyed forever.
Staying home on a Friday night as an adult feels like a reward. As a high schooler it felt like a punishment.
You have only 1 birthday, the rest are congratulations for surviving.
One day AI could get so smart it could make random yet high quality movies & tv shows so good that real actors don't have to act anymore & we basically get Rick & Morty's Interdimensional Cable
Tortilla chip bags always have a window so you can see the chips but potato chip bags don’t.
The statement "I'm a liar" can never be false
There probably aren’t a lot of bad skydivers left in the world.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz would’ve been one of the greatest scientific minds to ever live.
Being afraid of the dark is one of the most rational fears yet you get picked on for it the most. It's in human nature to fear the loss of one of our main senses yet it is considered a childish.
The Jedi are a cult with abusive rules and dated views that created the Sith Lords they despise. They aren't the good guys.
You can remove any letter in boat but it would still be an existing word.
We laugh at how wrong scientists from the past were, but people from the future will be laughing at us in just the same way.
Glitches in games could be just the characters’ attempt to break free.
Airbenders had the potential to be the most lethal benders of all, seeing as how they could've theoretically insta-killed anyone by making a vacuum around them and yanking the air out of their lungs
Future archaeologists will discover a thin layer in our species' fossil record that is completely and totally littered with fidget spinners.
At some point in history, there must have been the same amount of alive and dead people on Earth.
The average number of legs per human is fewer than 2
Since walls have thickness, adding walls in the middle of a house gives you less room but more rooms
It would make more sense phonetically if 'guy' and 'girl' switched their vowels
People who are naturally good at playing instruments have a strength for something man made. Imagine a caveman with a talent for playing piano before the existence of pianos.
Very few bowlers have ever touched an actual bowling pin.
If Harry Potter had a snake instead of an owl as a pet, he could've talked with it behind the Dursley's back every summer!
The full length of a song being stuck in your head wouldn't be as bad compared to a 15 second loop.
The age we use scissors the most is also the age we’re not allowed to use them without an adult present.
If humans don’t destroy the world by then, year 42,069 will be the memiest year of all time
When Gordon Ramsay dies, he will actually be in Hell's Kitchen
College is the DLC of education
The guy who invented the sewer system was literally tired of everyone's shit
High heels are pushup bras for butts
No matter how weird you think the combination of your hobbies, opinions and interests is, there is probably someone in the world that likes and dislikes exactly the same things as you. An you'll most likely never meet them.
The longer time goes on, the more kids will have to learn in History class
All anime is technically dubbed, no matter if it’s spoken in English or Japanese.
Hangman doesn’t exist until he’s dead
We live in a society that has normalised social media so much that it is an achievement to not have it
There is a chance that Earth is the only place in the universe where immense suffering exists. Welcome to hell.
Obi-wan letting Luke hold and swing around his fathers lightsaber when they first meet was super dangerous and reckless.
If the universe truly is infinite, there's a point in space where the stars align to perfectly spell out the entirety of the Bee Movie script.
There are people who won't believe people landed on the moon but will believe that Bill Gates has microchips to go in our bloodstreams to track us with no power source
Centuries later, some of our social media accounts will be owned and displayed by online museums.
Pigs in cartoons always appear to have just pink skin, but in real life pigs are covered in fur.
A cleaner at NASA still works at NASA
Hydrogen is extremely flammable and oxygen is needed to keep a flame alive, but put them together and you make something that puts out the fire
Turn-signal use is the perfect way to judge whether someone is selfish, because turn signals typically don't benefit the driver at all, only other people.
A gambling addiction isn't really a problem until you start losing.
A crucifix for a snake would just be a stick.
The hotter you are the more pictures you need on apps like Tinder for people to believe you’re you and not merely another bot-account.
Fruit by the foot probably felt so long when we were kids because we were only about 3 feet tall.
The dirtier you are before showering the cleaner you feel when you finish.
All the videos of cats easily navigating a field of obstacles just add more proof that they knock over stuff just to be butt holes.
People appreciate imaginary Italian plumbers more than real ones.
When you give someone a gift card it’s like saying “here’s money but you’re only allowed to spend it at one spot”
The difference between doing something brave and doing something stupid is whether or not you succeed.